Recent photos

Just hanging around the house

I love remembering to grab the camera when my boys are looking cute!

I have some bare bum photos of Sam around this age too... so cute!

And I know you can't smell him, but he was freshly bathed

I love that smell!

Look how I can hold my head up!

and stand up...
Check out the muscles!

This t shirt was given to Samuel by our old neighbors: Christopher & Shelli

We miss them both so much!

OK, so my first day back was

well

terrible.

It didn't start out too badly - at least I was able to finish my coffee before I finished report!

But by the late afternoon it wasn't looking good. I had some busy patients to take care of, and between that and trying to take the time to pump, I knew I wasn't going to get out on time. I had heard from Darin that Cole was crying himself to sleep - which isn't entirely a bad thing. He does need to learn to go to sleep without nursing first, but it made me sad to know he was having a hard time - OK - both of them were having a hard time! Cole didn't do too badly until late in the afternoon. Darin said that once he got tired, he just cried until I got home. :(

Needless to say, I was late getting out of work (for those of you who aren't nurses - that's more the rule than the exception and is just a part of life as a nurse). We're supposed to finish up by 7 or 7:15 pm, and I didn't clock out until 8:30 pm. All the while knowing my baby was at home crying. Darin went ahead and gave him a bottle because I was going to have to be late, but that didn't settle him down. I finished my charting as quickly as I could and sped home to feed the little guy (I couldn't wait either as I had not had the chance to pump since 3 pm and felt like my boobs were going to pop off my chest).

I got home to find Sam in bed, Darin on the couch, and Cole crying in our bedroom trying to go to sleep. I picked Cole up, and when I got him on my lap to nurse, his eyes rolled back in his head. Awww. He was happy finally, and soon went to sleep. OK, so if you know me you know that I had already been crying too. First day back for a 12 hour shift - knew my baby wasn't happy, BUSY day with a new computer charting system, patients not doing well, not enough time to pump, getting out late... etc.

I'm sure that having been up since 4 am and only having 5 1/2 hours of sleep prior to this horrendous day didn't help either. Sleep was in order.

After crying on my sweet & patient husband's shoulder, I went to bed.

There has to be a better way.

It's just that horrible feeling of being SO divided.

My people come first, but with work, it's so hard to make that possible. The most predictable thing about my job is that it's unpredictable.

I went to bed so angry last night and feeling - once again - like I'm not getting any of my jobs done to my standards but also feeling stuck like I don't know how to fix it.

And please, if someone else tells me to let some things around the house go... you should see the place - I promise, I've let it go!

Sam & I need haircuts, I still haven't written thank you notes from when Cole was born, haven't purchased one Christmas present yet - didn't even get Samuel a birthday present yet, and he's 3 today (oh yeah, I don't feel ANY guilt about that one).

Is there a nursing job out there that is a little more family friendly? At least more nursing mother friendly?

Sitting here at the computer this morning - pumping, drinking a cup of coffee, eating my breakfast, and updating our blog before I go back to work for my first 12 hour shift. Talk about multitasking!

Cole has seemed a little fussy - I'm thinking a reaction to his shots this week. He was ready for bed early last night, so I climbed in early too - to maximize my chances for sleep. He was up from 1 am - 2 am then again at 4. I did get him back down before I got in the shower - yeah for Darin - but my day started at 4 am. A total of 5 1/2 hours of sleep, and I need to get through working until 7 tonight. mmmm.

Cole will drink from a bottle but doesn't seem as comforted by it the way Samuel used to be. So with him not feeling quite right, I'm hoping this day isn't too difficult for Darin. I prayed for God to help him be patient with Cole today. :)

And I prayed for me to have a smooth day too.

We had Samuel's birthday party yesterday. Funny - it has be in the high 70s everyday, but yesterday (with the birthday party planned at the park) it was 60 and VERY windy. It was sunny, and I think it would have been really nice out without the wind, but hey - what can you do. It IS mid November and to a Northern girl that means it should be chilly, and you should have to at least wear a sweatshirt. Anyway - we ended up taking the party inside for lunch & cupcakes. Samuel was true to 3 year old form. He partied like a mad man and then after everyone left had a COMPLETE and TOTAL meltdown. I even have a photo of it, but I don't have time to post them this am.

More updates later.