And I can say lots of things:
I've always given full time working Moms lots of credit, but full time working Dads with wives that work full time need some credit too. There is way more to do at home than I could ever accomplish on my own. I know I could never get it all done without Darin's help. OK, so honestly it's never really ALL done, but we prioritize. We've done this before (I've worked full time at times since Samuel was born), and Darin and I usually get a pretty good system going. I have no idea how single parents do it...I'd be a big fat liar if I said that it's not tough. It's pretty challenging to know that someone else is basically raising our kids. For those who know my control freak nature - you'll understand when I say that I struggle with that. It was never part of our plan, but reality being what it is - we'll just have to adjust - and we will. But I have my moments. So, when I get home I pretty much don't get on the phone or computer (sorry). I play with my guys until dinner then from dinner to bedtime and enjoy the time we do have together. I don't want to lose touch with them - or just be the lady they see on the weekend who walks in and acts like she's in charge. :) When I kiss them goodnight we say prayers and we talk. I have started asking Samuel what his favorite and least favorite parts of the day were. His responses are hysterical, and sometimes it makes for interesting conversation and actually some teachable moments. It has been like a knife in my heart a few times when Samuel says, "Mom, will you be here tomorrow? I really wish you could be with me tomorrow?". Then when he had a Fall party at school and his class was going to sing, he said, "I really want you to come to school tomorrow to see me sing."... and I explained that I couldn't go. He said, "But Mom, parents can go!". Wow. I had to hold back the tears until I got out of the room, but I told him that Grandma was going to go see his "show" and take video, so we could watch it together when I got home from work. Hmmm. Does that part EVER get easier? When Samuel asked why I have to work so much I explained in terms he would understand. He is so looking forward to getting his toys out of storage and into a house, so I told him that Mommy and Daddy are working really hard, so we can find our own place to live... and get our stuff out of storage. He understood... but every night he still says, "Mom, I wish you didn't have to go tomorrow.". The love little boys have for their Moms... it's a beautiful thing!
As for the positives - My job is pretty interesting. I wear many hats and the role really is not well defined, so I am creating it as I go. Missing my boys goes without saying, but it IS nice to put nice clothes on and go to work. Driving in the car ALONE and in the QUIET is refreshing. If I choose music - it's MY music instead of the Backyardigans which is the usual request of both Samuel & Cole. I enjoy working with students and other nurses, and for the first time in my 13 year career I have my OWN desk. They gave me a catalog and said to order supplies for my desk... I wasn't even really sure of what I needed! Now, I'm not in an office. My desk is actually in a corner of the lab supply room - no windows - but hey, you have to start somewhere, right? Creating systems and figuring out how to get all of my duties accomplished is making the days go quickly - though 8 hour days tend to go quickly for me (used to 12 hours). Everyone I work with has been very kind and they even say they are excited to be having another baby around (a relief since I was concerned they wouldn't be too happy about hiring a pregnant lady). It feels good to be contributing toward our financial goals and it feels GREAT to see the light at the end of the tunnel (getting back out on our own).
So, it's hard right now - adjustments always are - but lots of families make it work, and we will too.
